I just cut my nipple shaving
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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