I wish my penis had an off switch
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
this will be a night to untag.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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