we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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