Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Also, beer. Big fan.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize