we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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