turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Holy shit dude........stairs
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