If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
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