I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
