dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
