I accidentally had phone sex last night
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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