Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
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