You work out of a Hotel?
She said her name was "party"
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Randomize
