about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
