Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
