WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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