I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Randomize
