Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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