I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Randomize
