was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
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