Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Randomize
