I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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