Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
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