What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
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