I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I think my vagina is haunted
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Randomize
