I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
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