the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
