it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
