well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
