in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
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