Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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