I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
The power of my boobs compel you
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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