yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Randomize
