Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
