Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
It's rum buckets o'clock
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
