she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
