The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
