Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
mondays should just be called national damage control day
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Randomize
