you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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