I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
