I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
