she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
