Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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