Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
