Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Randomize