sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Randomize
