the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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