I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
