never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Randomize
