This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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