im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
