You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Randomize
