Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Randomize
