wrigley field is MILF paradise
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Randomize
