This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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