yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
