i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
