Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Randomize
