Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
