I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
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