You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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