Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
