the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
