1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
