I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
