I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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