Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
