I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Hippo gnu deer
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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