I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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