too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Randomize