It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Randomize
