she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
