what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I checked into jail on foursquare
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
