my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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