Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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