at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
