So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
