We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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