I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
