You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Randomize
