Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
