fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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