Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
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