I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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