If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
