Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
