walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
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