Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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