found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
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