Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
