my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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