You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
