I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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