yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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