i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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