i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
worst night to have a conscience
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
He? As in you personified your dick?
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
