do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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