K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Ketchup is God's man juice
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
She needs sedatives and a leash
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
