i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
