Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize