She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
