A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Randomize
