Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
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