The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
